Tarry in the Contrary

“Sometimes I think that as I make new friends and acquaintances at this age, I must also abandon the idea of that closeness that develops when you haven’t seen much of the world. When you don’t know much of anything, you stay close to the people that are familiar, that have always been true. I don’t know what this is but I have you and that’s good enough for me.”

What does it feel like to be forgotten and left behind?

I hope for your sake that you don’t ever have to find out.

Replaced and cast unceremoniously out the door.

That was the most heartbreaking and deafening silence ever.

I no longer want to stay. My exit has been cued.

Right now, I just need to cry into a warm and accepting embrace, without having to explain myself. Just to let it all go.

So that I don’t have to feel worse while excavating all my insecurities and fears for someone else to see. So that I won’t be judged. 

Yet the truth is, there is absolutely no one I can physically go to right now. And it tears me a new one.

“No one wants to be the person who is made fun of for caring too much about something, who treats in earnest a situation that everyone else considers absurd. Even in personal relationships, feeling too heavily invested while simultaneously understanding that the other person couldn’t be more detached is one of the most profound feelings of embarrassment we can experience. Because it isn’t simply the embarrassment of making a mistake or a poor choice, it’s a shame over the kind of human being you are and how you see the world around you. To be shamed for your sincerity is to be reminded that you are dependent on something which is not dependent on you — that you are, once again, vulnerable.”

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/i-will-always-care-too-much/#ZOamPVDbFzgW7wqQ.01

I’m surrounded by so many people, yet I feel like I’m all alone. It’s not a cliche, it’s a living truth for me.

C’mon, I need to be myself again.